Note from Editor: In this article I will be explaining to you some good strategies to get over sexual assault. Of course everyone is different, and everyone copes differently, but these strategies in my opinion can help. I am not a doctor or therapist, so I can't say that I am sure this will work, but in my opinion it should be a good start.
Sexual assault
is something horrible, and I don't wish that upon anyone. Through this act someone is disrespecting your body and you as a person. The realisation of someone not considering your feelings, and just using your body is an awful feeling. Without a reason you have a guilt and shame, because the fact that someone used your body. They took away your worth, your privacy, your energy, your time, your safety, your intimacy, your confidence and your own voice, but you can get all of it back. When you take your power back after the sexual assault, your power becomes much stronger and much better.
After rape your body becomes your enemy or stranger, you feel big disconnect between yourself and your body. It is horrible feeling, because you obviously want to be connected to your body, and feel all the emotions, but you can't. After rape you worry if you are good enough in sex, you worry if you will be able to make your partner happy, you basically worry about all little things regarding sex, something you shouldn't be worried about. But that is what rape does, it makes you be self conscious about everything that has to do with intimacy. That is only during the healing, after the healing you feel better than ever, and this is possible with these strategies:
-Talk to people about it and how you feel about it:
It is so important to tell people what happened, and to be very open about it. Express how you feel about it, because ignoring it and bottling feelings will just make it worse. I can't guarantee anything, but I strongly feel if you do this as soon as it has happened, your recovery process will be faster. I guess not hiding it and telling how you feel about it, will help you move on.
-To accept it:
Talking to people about it is great step to get comfortable with it, so after you feel comfortable with it, you need to start accepting it. I think this might be the hardest part. Coming to realisation someone disrespected your body is awful. Some women start to feel weak and powerless, so that is why some women avoid accepting it for a long time. But I highly suggest accepting it as soon as possible, because it will be easier for you. Just tell yourself either in front of mirror or write down or even just say it aloud. Tell yourself in details what happen, and then accept that it happen, tell yourself it will be fine. You can't ignore it, and ignore admitting to yourself what happen. You just need to be honest what happen!
-Forgive yourself:
It is important to tell yourself that no matter what you did, what you wore or how you acted, that it is not your fault. Forgive yourself, and tell yourself none of it was my fault. Come on I am here waiting say it aloud! Blame and guilt have no place. There is nothing to be ashamed about or to feel guilty. You did everything you could to prevent this from happening. It is important to forgive yourself as soon as possible, and also realise you are not to blame or to feel ashamed. Forgiving yourself in early stages, will really be beneficial for your recovery. Know that even if you have done everything differently this would still happen, because rapist is the problem not you.
-Unlearn false beliefs you developed through this experience:
What I mean by this is, that through this experience you might have belief you have no value and this is so wrong. Everyone has a value, everyone has something to offer so unlearn this. Maybe write a list of things people value you for or ask friends to write some good qualities you have, and read this until you don't believe this anymore. Some might feel they are not good in sex because of this experience. Just keep telling yourself we are all good in sex, because it is in human nature, and keep telling to yourself this. And this person is very happy with me, even if it was one person, keep telling this to yourself, whenever you mind thinks about it. I would say let your mind think about it, but then cut it off with no it is not true. Unlearning false beliefs is really going to help you love yourself again.
-Acknowledge your anger:
It is totally fine to feel angry about it, but also don't force yourself to feel angry when you are not. When you are angry feel this emotions and be angry.
-Let go of the anger and pain:
If there is any pain and anger, you need to let it go. That could be through meditation, exercise, writing, singing or more. Do whatever feels right for you.
-Forgive the other person:
This might not be for everyone so if you don't feel good about it don't do it, it is personal for everyone. But in my opinion forgiving your abuser or rapist is important to move on. Just say it in front of mirror, "I forgive you for what you did, I understand you have issues that you have t0 work on", and remind yourself, going through brought you something good too. Acknowledge that without this person being awful to you, it gave you good things too for example being strong. Forgiving your rapist can free you of unnecessary anger, but if you don't feel forgiving it is okay too. If you want to blame them for all the awful things, you also have to blame them for all the blessings, so that might give you strength to forgive them.
-Love the blessings and lessons that came with this experience:
This means from any experiences in life, but especially awful experiences you get blessings and lesson. Think about it, how did it change me for good? Did you maybe find out what you really love to do? Did you through this experience and became close with someone? It can be anything just look in deep. I would say write lessons and blessings on the paper, and keep reading that to yourself. It is not right what you went through, but it is there to shape you as a person, and it is better to see positive than negative. Knowing lessons and blessings, will make this experience into positive, which means it will help you move on.
-Live in now:
The past is the past, but stop living in the past. Acknowledge that this happen to you, and that you were victim, but also don't victimise yourself. Don't let them control you, don't let them have your power, take your power back. Live now and do things you enjoy, and be present in every moment.
Sexual assault is an awful experience, but it doesn't define you. Take your power back by working through this, rather than victimising yourself. This is just another hard thing you had you go through, to become amazing person you are today.Let the emotions out, but also see positive and only positive. I am not an expert, but working through this will give you far change to move on from it.
Take your time, and do it when it feels right for you. Take your time to work through, one thing and then slowly move to another. Know that you are in charge of your own life, and you can take back your power whenever you want to.
If there is any more questions you have you can write in comments or email me at nakedlydressed@gmail.com you don't have to say your name if you don't feel comfortable to please if there is anything you need even just support I am here.
We are all meant to do great things together.
Reminder: You will get through this
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